I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
