Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
