I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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