Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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