no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How does one acquire holy water?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
