Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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