i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
