did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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