I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
