at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
