i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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