She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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