I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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