he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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