I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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