I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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