So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
