so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
