Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
