If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
