Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
