You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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