Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
