Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
