of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
