please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
