My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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