I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
