If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have aggressive nipples.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
