I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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