it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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