stop calling my apartment porn island.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
