he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
