I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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