We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
