We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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