i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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