No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
