Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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