she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
