I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
