Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
