My hand turned me down
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You may now shotgun with the bride
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
