I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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