At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
