that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
