don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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