You just made me feel so damn special
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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