How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
