Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
